As much as I adore the internet, I have my lapses in which my eyes roll back into my head and I just sit there sit there scratching my head. Some of the phenoms leave me speechless, like when someone uses a catch phrase and everyone else jumps on it and runs with it. Quite similar I imagine to attempting to wipe ones posterior end with flaming toilet paper that is burning at an expedient rate reaching dangerous proximity to delicate tissues. (Not 100% on that one, but I’m pretty sure it’s close.)
Another thing that jangles my nerves is being reminded 10 times a day I should be eating clean and juicing. For the record, my pants remind me all day. Don’t get me wrong I'm not trying to infringe on the diet hawkers business, but let’s face facts; my food pornography brethren with be pushing cookies, pies, doughnuts, and cakes all dripping in chocolate, butter, and more butter before the date of February 1st on the calendar even turns cold.
I’m not skinny or even remotely close (and I’m still blaming my surgery 7 years ago for the scale never budging, because some excuses never reach their expiration date), but I’m able to stay balanced and healthy for the most part. I really have to have something to eat that leaves me staying full, because we all know what J.U.I.C.E. really stands for; Judicially Unclogging Intestinal Constipation Externally. If you need any other acronyms explained, feel free to shoot me an e-mail, I keep tons of them stored upstairs in the overripe casaba melon. (Also if you would be willing to test the toilet paper theory, don’t wait, call now!)
So as I pondered dinner last night I thought, you know what I would really like is a C.R.A.P. sandwich. One would think they would taste kind of nasty after all, but as it turns out Crab on a Roll with Avocado and Parsley Sauce is actually quite delicious.
Assemble a few ingredients:
1 French baguette (a soft one)
2 tablespoons of butter, softened
1 or 2 fresh crabs, cracked and meat removed (about 3 pounds before shelling)
1 ripe avocado, pitted and sliced
1 cup fresh parsley leaves
3 tablespoons white balsamic or champagne vinegar
4 tablespoons olive oil
Cut the baguette in half lengthwise leaving it lying open and helpless on a baking sheet; spread it with butter while it’s down. Bake in a 350 degree F oven for 10-15 minutes until the top is starting to brown.
In a food processor or blender combine parsley, vinegar, oil, and a dash of salt and pepper and blend until combined.
Remove said helpless baguette from the oven and cut into 3 equal pieces or in the case of our household, 1 for me and twice that size for HDD (He can skip one meal and lose weight and it’s completely unfair. I got the stomach flu for a week, couldn’t keep anything down and still didn’t lose a pound.)
Top each sandwich with avocado slices, tomato slices, crab, a drizzle of parsley sauce, and a little greens if you so desire.
So for now I’m staying on my C.R.A.P. diet, but maybe next year I’ll get on the juice bandwagon, or probably by then there will be carb-free, gluten free, food free inhalants available that will be the magic diet elixir.
Since I love you guys so much, I will try and get a rush in on making some decadent Valentine’s treats to entertain you with.