Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Having a C.R.A.P Sandwich! It's a thing.

As much as I adore the internet, I have my lapses in which my eyes roll back into my head and I just sit there sit there scratching my head. Some of the phenoms leave me speechless, like when someone uses a catch phrase and everyone else jumps on it and runs with it. Quite similar I imagine to attempting to wipe ones posterior end with flaming toilet paper that is burning at an expedient rate reaching dangerous proximity to delicate tissues. (Not 100% on that one, but I’m pretty sure it’s close.)

Another thing that jangles my nerves is being reminded 10 times a day I should be eating clean and juicing. For the record, my pants remind me all day. Don’t get me wrong I'm not trying to infringe on the diet hawkers business, but let’s face facts; my food pornography brethren with be pushing cookies, pies, doughnuts, and cakes all dripping in chocolate, butter, and more butter before the date of February 1st on the calendar even turns cold.

I’m not skinny or even remotely close (and I’m still blaming my surgery 7 years ago for the scale never budging, because some excuses never reach their expiration date), but I’m able to stay balanced and healthy for the most part. I really have to have something to eat that leaves me staying full, because we all know what J.U.I.C.E. really stands for; Judicially Unclogging Intestinal Constipation Externally. If you need any other acronyms explained, feel free to shoot me an e-mail, I keep tons of them stored upstairs in the overripe casaba melon. (Also if you would be willing to test the toilet paper theory, don’t wait, call now!)

So as I pondered dinner last night I thought, you know what I would really like is a C.R.A.P. sandwich. One would think they would taste kind of nasty after all, but as it turns out Crab on a Roll with Avocado and Parsley Sauce is actually quite delicious. 

Assemble a few ingredients:
1 French baguette (a soft one)
2 tablespoons of butter, softened 
1 or 2 fresh crabs, cracked and meat removed (about 3 pounds before shelling) 
1 ripe avocado, pitted and sliced
Tomato slices

Parsley Sauce:
1 cup fresh parsley leaves
3 tablespoons white balsamic or champagne vinegar
4 tablespoons olive oil

Cut the baguette in half lengthwise leaving it lying open and helpless on a baking sheet; spread it with butter while it’s down. Bake in a 350 degree F oven for 10-15 minutes until the top is starting to brown.

In a food processor or blender combine parsley, vinegar, oil, and a dash of salt and pepper and blend until combined.

Remove said helpless baguette from the oven and cut into 3 equal pieces or in the case of our household, 1 for me and twice that size for HDD (He can skip one meal and lose weight and it’s completely unfair. I got the stomach flu for a week, couldn’t keep anything down and still didn’t lose a pound.)

Top each sandwich with avocado slices, tomato slices, crab, a drizzle of parsley sauce, and a little greens if you so desire.

So for now I’m staying on my C.R.A.P. diet, but maybe next year I’ll get on the juice bandwagon, or probably by then there will be carb-free, gluten free, food free inhalants available that will be the magic diet elixir.

Since I love you guys so much, I will try and get a rush in on making some decadent Valentine’s treats to entertain you with.




  1. Oh Gina, you crack me up! For the record, I don't think I could ever do a juice cleanse, for the simple fact that I would get too cranky. My family would disown me. I experience this every Ash Wednesday when I think I might be able to manage fasting. It never ends well.

    This sandwich, however, sounds delicious craptastic :)

    1. Ha ha Liren, I can't do fasts either. I would probably end up snapping. He he. Hope you have a craptastic sandwich for yourself soon.

  2. LOL! Yup, staying on track is easier said than done...every year my new year resolution ends up well....let's just say not so good!
    Your C.R.A.P sandwich looks great and parsley sauce sounds delicious!

  3. Gina,
    I thought that I left a message, I guess that It didn't go through. I love your C.R.A.P. sandwich, but we can't get fresh crabs here in Illinois! I'll have to wait until I come to the Bay area:)

  4. Amen Gina! Lol. This was such a great post to read. I'm tired of all those cleanses myself! I'll take your CRAP sandwich any day of the week. Thank you for sharing!

  5. Really funny post! We try to eat less when we've overindulged, on the theory that less mass in = less mass on us. Hard to do, though. Don't quite understand that juice thing, but that's just me. Anyway, love your C.R.A.P. sandwich! Really lovely ingredients, and I'll bet the flavor is wonderful. Just glad I won't have to do that toilet paper thing after I have one. ;-) Good stuff - thanks.

  6. I can't do a juice cleanse for the sole reason that I'm growing a human in me ;) That's my story and I'm sticking to it. Crab on the other hand, now that I can do :)

  7. Gina, such a funny post, I could not help but laugh with you...
    Your C.R.A.P. sandwich looks delicious, love the tons of crab that you have in it...

  8. LOL....That's the best piece of crap I've ever seen! You and your imagination are hilarious! I'm glad you used that blender for something other than juice and thanks for providing a recipe to sink our teeth into! You are a temptress....you know how to make a helpless baguette come to life! Loved this post! xo

  9. Well, skinny doesn't mean healthy, does it?
    Your crap has made me LOL. More please, Gina.
    Have a wonderful day!

  10. Thanks everyone, looks like I will have to get busy making more crappy eats. He he.


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