I was working on some Halloween desserts the other afternoon when I was jolted by a loud cluck-cluck-scream coming from the living room. I dropped everything and ran as fast as I could (which isn't all that fast just in case you were wondering) but nothing could have prepared me for the sight of Mr. Rusty mauling his beloved Mr. Chicken.
Rusty was standing over Mr. Chicken who was ripped to shreds, blood everywhere. I leaned down to check for a pulse but couldn't find one. My first thought was to call 911 and get Mr. Chicken an ambulance to the vet, but then I realized I have plenty of medical knowledge in my back pocket and why was I going to waste all that money on proper veterinary care when I could probably just fix him myself.
I was sure Mr. Chickens' heart wasn't beating so I decided maybe I could remove the afflicted heart and do a quick repair job. I searched high and low for the proper sterilized tools for the job.
I finally settled on a sharp paring knife to do the job. I didn't have any anesthesia to quell his shrieks, so I smacked him across the beak and told him, "Buck up Cluck and quit being such a Chicken." I started by going in through the wing, and lifted the skin over the breastbone (all the while cautious to not disrupt the wishbone) and went through the rib bones and removed the heart. It was indeed not beating and starting to deteriorate quickly.
I was in a complete panic at this point. I was going to lose the patient pronto if I didn't do something fast. Then it hit me, "Duh, I've seen Pulp Fiction, I need adrenaline stat." I searched the cupboards for adrenaline but seemed to be fresh out. Then I spotted a neglected box of pistachio pudding and whipped it up as fast as I could. I filled the nearest syringe I could find (a kids medicine syringe) full of the makeshift heart starter.
Plunged that sucker in as fast as I could and waited. Then I kind of got sidetracked because I remembered I was going to throw a pork roast in the oven, oh and I wanted to make some rosemary mashed potatoes.
A couple hours later when I realized I had forgot my surgery patient on the table I went back to ascertain the situation. That is when I had to call it. My apologies were given to the family, but I'm sorry this guy was cooked.
Don't think this story has a sad ending though. Mr. Rusty still loves Mr. Chicken and carries around his sad heartless carcass where ever he goes.
These now grotesque looking hearts started out their journey as cute, delicious red velvet hearts. I used a half recipe of this red velvet cupcake recipe and used a heart shaped whoopie pan. If you don't want a special pan you could bake the cake in a small pan and cut the hearts out with a cookie cutter.
Swirl a coat of Wilton pink candy melt coating (melted on half-power in the microwave) with a spoon on the hearts. After the coating is hardened, pipe veins on the heart with additional candy coating using a disposable piping bag. Then when the coating is dry use a clean paintbrush barely dabbed in food coloring (blue and purple) and brush in the recesses. Gruesome never tasted so good. *Oh by the way, just in case you were wondering, yes they did taste exactly like chicken.
I hope all of you know by now how much the Queen loves Halloween. I'm having a party here for the kids soon and I figured I will share with all of you what the little gremlins can expect to see here.
I have been locked away in my kitchen laboratory the last few days and I have quite a few wicked treats coming your way.