When it comes to kitchen hygiene I'd say I'm pretty much up there with OCD clean. I'm the type of person who will go behind you and put your cup in the dishwasher before your done using it. Unfortunately one of the folks I live with doesn't abide by my sanitary standards. That same person likes to come downstairs after I have completed my 40-point cleaning inspection and gone to bed.
While the pigeon is in the kitchen in the wee hours of the night it makes and leaves all sorts of messes. I'll come down and see the spotless kitchen I left the night before tore up, dishes everywhere, food left on the counter, and that is when I usually lose it and have to start with the lectures. "You know you are going to attract rats with this mess." "You probably have them sleeping with you in your bed right now since that is a pig pen too."
Well you know what, one morning I came downstairs and thought I'd faint when I saw a bunch of Albino (honey goat and cream cheese with red pepper eyes and rice noodle tail) rats scurrying across my cutting board leaving their gross (yet tasty and briny olive rat turds) everywhere.
"I will kill you Rat Bastards if it's the last thing I do", I screamed. Poor Ted went and hid under his blanket.
That afternoon I planned my counter attack to rid this house of the vermin. Then it hit me, I shall drown them in a bowl of delicious Raspberry Red Pepper Jelly that the lovely Claudia - Journey of an Italian Cook sent me this summer. Thank you again Claudia for sharing part of Minnesota with me. Then I tied 4 grissini (thin Italian bread sticks) together with knots that would get me kicked out of the Navy. Some celery rungs were added for extra traction. Lined the pool deck with whole-grain pita crisps and waited for the victims to come along.
Come on little kiddies, everyone into the pool.
I'm happy to report we no longer have a rat problem around here. Hey, don't think of it as inhumane, think of it as family fun and games. The kids can play chop the rat's head off with a cracker, or how many rat turds can you pile on one cracker. It's fun for the whole family people.
I got the mold for the mice from Sarah-Jane Silicone Moulds she has tons of cool ones. I used half goat and half cream cheese about 3 ounces each and put the rats in the fridge until they were firm, then arrange them for your unsuspecting guests prior to their unfortunate arrival.
Halloween sounds so fun at your house! I bet you pass out really good candy for trick or treaters too :)ReplyDelete
Ha ha, it is and I make sure and buy a few kinds that I like best just in case we don't get many trick-or-treaters, lol.Delete
Lol too funny, I'm the OCD queen too. 40-point inspection? More like 60 here ;).ReplyDelete
60-point, love it.Delete
Wow, yours is the house I want to visit for Halloween. Such a funny post. Loved it!ReplyDelete
Aww, Halloween just isn't the same with no kids around....I'm coming to your house! There really are rat molds, lol.ReplyDelete
Yeah, I know if I didn't have a rat mold, I would wonder myself. I know I wish mine were still little sometimes. Good thing I get to borrow my nieces and nephews.Delete
"Rat bastards"--sounds just like my work husband (it's one of his favorite expressions). I'll hafta share this with him. Funny stuff!ReplyDelete
o Gina, I am speechless. These cheese rats are so dang cute! Almost too cute to eat them!ReplyDelete
You do Halloween so well! Rat bastards? I love it! Very creative and fun - thanks.ReplyDelete